I used to strive for perfection. Pushing myself constantly, to be better. I was never satisfied.
It took me far. I got straight A’s in school, I was in student government, played in the band, I was in 4-H, played tennis, and volunteered at my local church in my spare time. I continued this trend through undergraduate school where I majored in Organic Chemistry, played collegiate tennis and studied abroad in Spain becoming fluent in Spanish. I had to be constantly busy, and constantly pushing to be the best, to be more involved, to be more.
It got overwhelming. I never had a moment to just be, relax and enjoy. In fact, I didn’t know what to do with down time if I wasn’t moving, if I wasn’t doing. I struggled a lot with this while I was in Graduate school, earning a masters in Neuroscience and structural biology all while picking up ultra-running.
Once I graduated graduate school, I got a bit better at settling down, realizing I didn’t have to do everything. But, that mentality still persisted and drove me crazy at times. I couldn’t be content unless I was doing something, and something usually turned into everything.
It wasn’t until my first serious injury that I really learned to be still. I had no choice. I had broken 14 bones and was left with only one leg to stand on. Not only could I not run, or walk, or drive, — I couldn’t cook or bathe without supervision or the help of someone. It was a very humbling experience, but in it, was an opportunity.
I had the opportunity to slow way down. To appreciate life when I wasn’t buzzing around constantly. I’m not going to lie, it was a challenge. I questioned my worth. I thought, who am I unless I’m doing something? But in those struggles, I got more and more comfortable letting go of my need to distract and do.
I gained new perspective. One not associated with ticking things off on my ‘to-do’ list. I became more connected to myself, how I was feeling that day, my motivation, what excited me. It gave me an opportunity to be completely satisfied curling up with a book, or spending hours at a coffee shop catching up with a friend, or simply doing nothing at all. It was wonderful.
I learned that progress does not mean being perfect. It’s messy and not straight forward. I wouldn’t have expected an injury to help me connect with my soul. But it did. I was able to be content in my own human existence, without needing to be constantly achieving.
Even after recovering and getting back to more movement at training, I took that lesson with me and allowed myself the freedom (and permission) to just be, and not constantly weigh myself down with responsibilities and tasks. I found the creativity to make new, different goals, still pushing myself, but in different ways that were vastly more fulfilling. It’s helped me live more fully.
So, as I face this injury, breaking my fibula, and the recovery time associated with it – I look back on my past year. I look back on what I’ve learned and I’m able to shift into a slower pace of living. I’m making new goals and shifting my perspective. It’s a positive one, too.
Some ask how that’s possible – to maintain my positivity. I say I have no other choice. Of course I’m angry and disappointed, and the transition to recovery is difficult – and it’s certainly not automatic – but I am happy to do it. I know I’ll learn something from it – I’m positive of that. It’s an opportunity for growth, to learn – that’s progress.
It’s all a matter of perspective and I chose a positive one. Because progress is not perfection; progress is messy, progress is caring, and to be better – to soak in all that progress – I’ll take all the unexpected twists and turns of life, happily.
A great reminder that we can choose our emotional response to situations. Love that you choose positivity. It shows!
Thanks Jeff! It’s not always the easiest choice, but it’s worth it to find it. Thanks for reading!
Hil,
What an absolutely awesome posting. Learning how to be present in the moment and contemplating positive possibilities makes the world and what awaits so wonderful.
You continue to inspire!!
Beautifully written and perfect timing for me to read something so positive when I’m also faced with injury and the need to shift all the years goals. thank you!
Thanks Lucy! All the best to you and your recovery!