The Choice is Yours

Earlier this year I was faced with a choice. While on a group run with friends - I hadn’t run for a few days due to a sore foot - I started to feel that same pain again. I had a choice, stop running or push through it. I decided to stop and hike back to the car.

After that I was faced with another series of choices to get to the bottom of the pain, which ultimately lead to an unplanned surgery, and canceling my whole running season. Still, even then, I was faced with a choice. Do I view this as an opportunity for growth, or do I feel sorry for myself, get depressed and become a victim to an always uncertain future?

I decided to focus on the things that I could do while recovering from surgery and to use the time I couldn’t run, to develop other skills and find new sports and hobbies I liked to do (Read more about my transformation into a dual-sport athlete this season). Of course it wasn’t easy, I spent a huge part of this year, battling with my mental health, struggling to feel like myself and doubting if I would be able to get back to running. But something kept me going through the really tough moments this year: I always have a choice.

If I wanted to hang up my running shoes, I had a choice to do that. If I was tired of doing the same, boring PT exercises to rehab my ankle, I could make that choice. I could also make the choice to reach out to people for extra support when I was feeling depressed or to start with a specific sports therapist who specialized in eating disorders when I felt like I might be tempted to slip back into mine. I still had a choice to make when I felt utterly defeated and discouraged, to keep going and do the smallest things that would get me through the day and ultimately help in my recovery.

And I made it through. Not only did I discover a new sport(s) this season, but I was able to actually compete in them. I never gave up on myself and that perseverance got me to 2 ultramarathon start lines this year - something I wasn’t sure was going to happen. But, and perhaps, most importantly, I found new ways to engage with myself and self worth outside of sport. Making sure my happiness is not solely dependent on those factors alone. This year was a transformative one for me. Not due to any breakout performances or freshly set records, but one that reminded me, once again, how resilient we are, if we chose to be.